There are only eighteen days left until men will be forced to panic buy Christmas presents for all their loved ones at the last possible minute.
Petrol stations and pound stores are stocking up to meet the sudden surge in demand that is sure to come on Christmas Eve from men who’ve left it until the last possible moment to start their gift buying.
‘This is the most profitable time of year for us,’ said Texaco boss Mark Zubat. ‘We fill our shelves with tat, double the price and watch the cash roll in.’
At this point in December, most men are still either blissfully unaware Christmas is coming or they’re burying their heads in the sand in a sad attempt to keep the innocence of their wallets intact.
‘I wondered what all those nice coloured lights were doing up around the house. Still, I imagine I have plenty of time to buy my wife that disposable BBQ I presume she’s always wanted,’ said Alan Nadalinger, a future divorcee.