Britain turns to Noel Edmonds to lead Brexit negotiations

Britain has finally found its chief negotiator to lead the nation out of the EU – and it’s Deal or No Deal’s Noel Edmonds.

Theresa May is said to have personally hand-picked the former gameshow show. Noel is best known for his unorthodox views on cancer, a love of gunge, and helping contestants negotiate with ‘The Banker’ on Deal or No Deal.

‘I’m a huge fan of the show and I know Noel personally. He is the best man for the job. In fact, he’s the only man who would even answer the phone to me,’
said the Prime Minister.

And Noel is taking his new role very seriously.

‘First and foremost I’ve been told that the key is to actually get us out of the EU. Trade deals and such are very much secondary. To prepare I’ve been reading Donald Trumps’s The Art of the Deal. I feel like I’m really ready to grab this situation by the pussy,’
said Edmonds.

Edmonds will be allowed to assemble his own negotiation team, with Mr Blobby a red-hot favourite to be Noel’s right-hand man.

‘Blobby blobbly blobby,’ denied Mr Blobby.