Chester Zoo has made the sad announcement that one of its most popular monkeys lost its testicles due to the cold weather last night.
Brass The Monkey won visitors’ hearts with his cheeky personality, the way he’d always fling his shit at the zookeepers and his almost incessant masturbation habits.
His wanking days may be over though after both his bollocks dropped off as a result of below freezing temperatures.
‘We always do our best to protect the welfare of the animals but Brass refused to be rounded up into the indoor enclosure last night. When we came to find him in the morning he was cradling both his bollocks which had frozen clean off,’ said a spokesperson for the zoo.
Chester Zoo is now seeking specialist veterinary advice and are prepared to spend big money on a testicular transplant or gender reassignment surgery depending on how Brass wants to live the next stage of his or her life.
Commenters on the story have left several furious remarks about the mistreatment of Brass.
One commenter said: ‘All you had to do was look at a weather report and it was clearly cold enough to freeze the bollocks off a Brass monkey.’