Child good for getting extra Facebook likes and not much else, mother confirms

Children are great for bagging extra likes on Facebook posts and not much else, a single mother of one daughter has confirmed.

Kelly-Anne Piper, 28, has experienced a tremendous growth in Facebook clout since being able to wield a young child like a magnet for approval.

‘Having a child has been of a tremendous benefit to my social media life. You post a status about your child or a picture and you’re guaranteed to get at least four times as many likes as if you just post about yourself,’ Miss Piper confirmed.

But the social media boost comes with significant drawbacks; namely that the rest of the parenting experience is absolutely horrific.

‘Being a mother, especially a single mother, is like owning the world’s worst pet. It just eats and shits and cries and pukes constantly. By it, I mean my darling daughter, Katie. Hashtag blessed,’ said Kelly-Anne, quickly reverting to social media talk to avoid crippling depression and anxiety.

Kelly-Anne Piper has started her own website to help new parents learn how to milk as many likes out of social media as possible. It’s already proving to be a big hit amongst those who need a big daily dose of positive affirmation yet don’t deserve it on their own merits.

One fan told us: ‘That website has been an absolute godsend to me. I finally feel like a well-appreciated member of the human race thanks to its advice…and my baby boy, I guess.’