Conservative MPs vote that the poor don’t feel hunger or cold

The poor have been left reeling after a shocking vote by Conservative MPs decided they feel neither hunger or cold temperatures.

Many of the less fortunate across the UK face the difficult decision between eating or heating over the coming winter months, but the Conservative-DUP government pushed through a vote today claiming that poor people need neither.

‘There is very little evidence to show that the plebs actually need food or warmth to survive, so it really is a waste. They’re a hardy breed and I think it’s time we recognised that,’ said Chancellor Philip Hammond.

The Universal Credit system will now be scrapped entirely since the vote means that the poor don’t need money.

Labour has lashed out at the vote, which they were unable to block, with leader Jeremy Corbyn saying that ‘the poor are people too.’

The Conservatives have responded by saying they find that very difficult to believe.