Croydon scheme will pay teens not to knife each other

A new scheme set-up by Croydon County Council will pay teens with a history of violence up to £70 a week if they don’t knife anyone.

The scheme was proposed after knife crimes rose to ‘unacceptable levels’ with almost a quarter of Croydon youths having being involved in a violent crime in some way or another over the last two years.

‘The problem is that knives are undeniably cool. They’re sleek, shiny and dangerous – exactly what teens are looking for. The only way to stop teens using knives on each other is to pay them not to. It’s sad but that’s modern society,’ said one Croydon councillor.

Now Croydon teens with a history of knife violence will be paid as much as £70 pound a week as long as they don’t get caught stabbing anyone.

‘It’s a lot of pressure because I want to stab someone but I really want to make sure that I don’t get caught so I get my £70,’ said Andy Spiker, a Croydon youth.

But the scheme may have unintended consequences. Now some previously innocent youths are turning to knife crime so that they are registered under the scheme to get paid.

‘Me and my mate stabbed each other just to get on the scheme. We made sure we didn’t hit any organs because we didn’t want to do any real damage. It’s the first time biology class has ever come in useful,’ one anonymous teen told us.

However the council has no problem with this as long as it stops teens stabbing after the first offense.