David Cameron bows to ISIS pressure; promises to only fuck Halal animals from now on

In a stunning turnabout from previous tough words, David Cameron has caved into pressure from ISIS and has announced he will only stick his dick in animals that have been killed using the halal method.

This means that pigs are right out for the porky Prime Minister as they are considered to be incredibly unclean animals. Cameron will, instead, be reduced to having sex mainly with cows and chickens that have been killed via having their throat slit whilst tied upside down whilst a prayer is being said.

‘The Prime Minister is making the ultimate sacrifice for the safety of this great nation,’ claimed London Mayor Boris Johnson. ‘How many men would give up what they love for their country? Not enough. Not enough at all. David should be celebrated and remembered for the rest of eternity.’

Despite these strong words from Boris, Cameron was last seen pacing Downing Street looking like a junkie who needed a fix. Even he admitted that he felt ‘a little sheepish’ at that time.

We cannot confirm at this time that the Prime Minister is hoping this announcement will put an end to the ‘Charlie Oink’ nickname he has picked up in the House of Commons.