Donald Trump wins Nobel Piss Prize

President Donald Trump is celebrating today after being informed he has won the Nobel Piss Prize for 2017.

The golden boy of global politics has won his first Nobel Piss Prize after a sparkling first year as president of America.

‘There was only one man who could have won this prestigious award. Trump has really flushed away all the competition this year,’ said one award voter.

Trump will fly to Sweden along with his daughter Ivanka to accept the award with his typical good grace. His speech is expected to be the highlight of the evening.

Talking to reporters earlier today, Trump said: ‘I’m incredibly humbled to win the Nobel Piss Prize. I’m probably more humble than any man in the world right now. So humble. A few corks will be popped tonight, believe me.’

The White House is now in panic mode, tarping as much of the upholstery as possible.