Donald Trump’s UK state visit downgraded to racist phone chat with Prince Philip

President Donald Trump has had his invitation of a state visit to the UK rescinded and replaced with the offer of a brief phone chat with Prince Philip in which the two will be able to spout as much racist nonsense as they wish.

While Trump had previously been looking forward to meeting the Queen and getting a horse drawn carriage tour around London, he is said to be even happier with the new offer.

‘The Queen is great and all, but you’ve got to remember that she’s an old woman. I like my women young. Barely legal, preferably. Prince Philip is a man, the kind of man I know I can get on with. I’m sure we’ll have a lot to discuss,’ said Trump to the American press.

However the new offer is not without its difficulties. Royal staff are now rushing to teach Prince Philip how to use a telephone, previously all his communication had been done by mail or shouting loudly.

‘Wonderful thing this telephone technology. You relay you message into the knobbly bit and someone runs that message all the way to the intended recipient. Probably a darkie, they can all run fast,’ said Philip.

The phone conversation will be recorded for posterity and shown on Dave.