The Lord Almighty and Creator of All Things has admitted today that Earth was always just a side-project to Him and that He forgot all about it long ago.
The news was broke to humanity via the voices in the head of local schizophrenic, Carlo Boduggan. Carlo has now been named emissary to God and will be treated with all the respect such a position deserves.
‘Earth to me was much like starting a blog for most humans. It’s fun for a little while but then you run out of material and it starts becoming a chore. I have loads of other cool shit to focus on now so Earth’s probably just going to return to dust soon,’ said Jesus’ illegitimate father.
The Pope called the news a ‘sad day for humanity’ and called for increased donations to the Catholic Church so that they might be able to buy back God’s attention.
‘God is good…but not with money. He always needs more of it. If we raise enough funds then maybe he will bless humanity again,’ said Pope Francis.
However, God says that no amount of money will bring about his return as carer of Earth.
‘I’m in a band right now called Omega Drive. It’s me and a few of my angels. We started off in my garage but we’re getting pretty good. We’re hoping to get signed to a record label on Vargon-8 soon.’