English language ties Trump in knots

Optimistic expectations that Donald Trump’s personal desire for profligacy and ostentatious display might be drawing to an end were cruelly dashed today.

It was briefly imagined that he was nearing an age of emotional maturity – which might well have progressed to a desire for greater economy and less wastefulness – when he was out on New York’s Madison Avenue and was heard to utter the words, ‘Waste not, want not.’

Hopes were fleetingly raised that this might herald an age in which the Trump Presidency advocated a reduction in pollution and landfill, as well as greater fiscal economy, and that this moment might be looked back upon as being a new dawn for an environmentally sustainable global future, unfolding from a reduction in the typical US citizen’s carbon footprint…but then someone noticed that Trump was waving at the window display of Emanuel Ungaro, gesturing at an ornate belt, and it became apparent that his actual words had been, ‘Waist knot! Want knot!’

The accessory was swiftly purchased by an aide and the circus parade that is Trump’s entourage continued on its merry way as the relentless countdown to environmental Armageddon resumed.