Eyesight of Jehovah’s Witnesses is entirely dependent on movement, according to study

A new study seems to indicate that the eyesight of Jehovah’s Witnesses is entirely dependent on movement and that they can be avoided simply by staying still.

While eyesight typically depends on contrasts in both movement and colour, the eyesight of the common Jehovah’s Witness is 100% dependent on movement.

This means that if a Jehovah’s Witness knocks on your door then all you have to do is stay completely still within your house and they will believe that there’s no-one in.

‘The is an absolutely groundbreaking piece of work by the team that could revolutionise the way we deal with these pests,’ said Dr Zakamoto, head of the research.

Now Zakamoto and his team are recommending that all of humanity stays completely still for seven days. This would be long enough to confuse the Jehovah’s Witnesses so deeply that they would simply cease to function.

Jehovah’s Witnesses worldwide have condemned the report.