God asked to move in significantly less mysterious ways

With the world going to ruin, followers have come together to tell God to get His shit together and move in significantly less mysterious ways.

God is famed, above all else, for the way He moves. He moves with the grace and precision of a ballerina combined with the stealth of lvl 100 sneak thief. He can come from above or below, or sometimes at a weird angle from the side.

But people are beginning to say say ‘enough’ of God’s obsession with the way he moves and to concentrate more on sorting out shit happening on Earth.

‘I love interpretive dance as much as the normal person, but we really could use a hand down here God,’
said one believer.

And even God’s two sons, Jesus and Barry Christ, have urged their father to get a grip on things.

‘We all need hobbies and down-time, I understand that,’
said Jesus. ‘I used to hang out with a lot of whores. A LOT of whores. But there comes a time when you have to put that aside and focus on the task at hand.

‘Yeah,’ said Barry Christ.

So far God has refused to answer these calls as he is now teaching Himself how to do ‘a proper forward roll’.