Happy couple ‘f*cking unbearable’ to be around

A couple that has managed to retain that new relationship magic after five years of being together have been described as ‘fucking unbearable’ to be around according to some of their closest friends.

Renton Brundleson, 36, and Jessica Albright, 34, have spent five happy years together even though their first date was a little unconventional.

‘We went to Knowsley Safari Park and somebody forgot to wind her window open,’ laughed Renton.

‘Yeah, a monkey flung its poop right in the car. I opened the window a little further so I could throw the poop out and the monkey jumped right in the car and savagely attacked the both of us,’ Jessica laughed, even harder.

The wounds bounded the pair in a way a movie and a meal never could. The pair recovered next to each other in hospital beds and have been inseparable ever since.

‘I’ve never seen a couple so close, especially after such a long time. In some ways it’s sweet but in other ways they’re fucking unbearable to be around,’ said long-time friend Alan Langford.

And all their friends agree with Alan’s assessment which is why they’ve stopped hanging out with the couple on anything like a regular basis.

‘I think it’s really sweet our friends give us lots of space to just be a couple together,’ said Jessica.