Want to have abs like Jesus? Then you need to start doing crossfit training according to no lesser authority than Jesus Christ himself.
Many have noted that the son of God has a body that looks like he grew up in the gym, but it hasn’t always been that way.
‘Oh no, I was very skinny in my teens and twenties, I wouldn’t have been able to smite a fly. It wasn’t until I found crossfit training that my body really began to blossom,’ said Jesus, eternally 33.
‘Crossfit training is all about shocking your muscles and nothing is more shocking than being crucified. After just three days I was totally ripped. Just in time for all the portraits too. I could have powered my way off the cross but I had to die for all your sins.’
And while Jesus is shocking his muscles every day, he is also extraordinarily careful about what he eats and drinks.
‘Junk in, junk out, you know, bro? I’ll put it this way, I won’t be eating any chocolate eggs this Easter.’
Jesus is now developing his own workout DVD which will be released just in time for Christmas.