A bunch of odd looking little twats with funny voices and silly costumes have revealed that they all raring to go and whip the shit out of a bunch of horses today in an event known as the Grand National.
The Grand National is an annual event that is won by whipping a horse in the most efficient and effective manner. And jockeys are chomping at the bit to get the job done.
‘This is the biggest horse whipping event of the season and I couldn’t be more excited,’ said one jockey.
‘Thanks to PC culture we’re not allowed to whip the horses as much as we used to, which is a shame because I think that’s what the viewers want to see, but we’ve all been training our whipping arms so we can go at it extra hard,’ said another.
And viewers are just as eager for the horses to go under starter’s orders.
‘It’s the most erotic sporting event imaginable. Who doesn’t look forward to a bit of interspecies sado-masochism?’ said Donny Tremble, a proud advocate of the sport.
But not everyone is looking forward to the bizarre display. One group has formed looking to put an end to the Grand National once and for all.
‘Horse racing is a barbaric sport and it is high time we put a stop to it. That’s why I’ve put all my money on Saint Are at 40-1. I’ll use the winnings to buy out the sport and end it,’ said the group leader.