Man resolves to exercise…his right to eat more delicious, unhealthy foods

A local man has officially resolved to exercise his right to eat even more fatty, delicious foods in the upcoming year.

Dave Curry, 46, is a happily divorced factory worker, and he intends to be honest about his intentions heading into the new year.

‘New year, new me? Bullshit. New year, same old me. I know what I like and that’s stuffing my face with pizza, burgers, chips and ice cream. Why eat salad when the world’s probably going to end this year anyway?’ he said.

Mr Curry intends to gain weight at such a rapid weight that he can get on disability and quit his job to become a full-time eater.

‘Eating is my passion and I will do anything to pursue it. Even if it means putting my health at risk. That’s how dedicated I am.’

Dave’s honesty and passion are being applauded by his friends and family.

‘I really hope he achieves his dream of killing himself by overeating,’ his ex-wife told us.