Quinoa shortage could wipe out millions

Millions of hipsters, health-freaks, non-meat eaters, and Bolivians could be wiped out due to an impending shortage of quinoa.

Quinoa (pronounced queen-noah) is a grain known for its high protein, low taste content as well as its ringworm-like appearance. Due to clever marketing and an abundance of ignorant fools, it has become increasingly popular in recent times. This popularity has caused quinoa demands to sky-rocket beyond production levels.

Scientists predict that, if this trend continues, there will be a global quinoa shortage which could cause millions of oddballs, weirdos and “food is fuel” types to starve to death within a matter of months.

Bryce Morlock

Bryce was eating quinoa “before it became mainstream”.

Hipster scumbag Bryce Morlock told us, “Without quinoa, I don’t know how I’d survive. It’s so bland and tasteless that it goes with anything; salads…other types of salads—you name it! Do you honestly expect me to get my protein from chicken like a normal person? I’m different to everyone else and I like to show that through my diet. I’ll starve to prove that point if I have to.”

Statistics show that – at its current rate of consumption – the quinoa supply will run dry by the end of 2017.

Could the world be close behind?

We are sure to have more on this breaking story as it develops.