Radicalised Muslim mistakenly offers life to Isis, the Egyptian goddess

A Muslim man who had become radicalised by western life has mistakenly offered his life and service to the Egyptian goddess Isis rather than ISIS, the Muslim terrorist network.

Shaiq Atiq, 32, who currently resides in Grimsby, had become increasingly disillusioned with the decadence of the western world and wished to become a part in its destruction. And he saw no better way than signing up with ISIS.

‘I work in a takeaway and the things you people eat are disgusting. Pineapple on a pizza? You people are animals. That is why I sent in my application form to join ISIS,’ said Shaiq.

But all was not well for Mr Atiq. In his haste to put an end to pineapple pizza and the decadence it represents, he wrote down the wrong address on the envelope. Instead of finding its way to Saudi Arabia, it ended up in Egypt.

‘I didn’t think anything of it at the time, there are plenty of Muslims in Africa,’ said Shaiq.

The application form found its way to a small cult of Egyptians who still worship the goddess Isis. As the first person to want to join in years, the cult soon rubber stamped the application and sent Shaiq back a confirmation letter as well as a poster of Isis and a neat little badge.

Sadly for Shaiq, he signed his life away to Isis and can no longer get it back.

‘It’s disappointing not to be able to behead anyone but it is nice to be part of a group.’