Report: Weetabix transports milk to a parallel universe

A team of scientists have discovered that Weetabix soak up milk like a sponge and then transport it to a parallel universe in a shocking discovery that could have serious implications on how we think of our world and cereal.

The dry cereal is famed for its ability to soak in milk, but testing showed that each brick of Weetabix only retained roughly 15% of the milk in the bowl, with the rest being unaccounted for.

And it was that realisation that led to further testing.

‘We wanted to know where the milk went, things don’t just disappear,’ said Dr Heisman Brekker of the Scientific Institute of Foodstuffs.

Even a team of open-minded scientists couldn’t be prepared for what they were about to discover. The atoms which made up the milk disappeared once absorbed into the Weetabix and were then replaced by a ‘blank set’ of particles.

This can only mean one thing: a parallel universe is stealing our milk via the medium of Weetabix absorption. But how and why?

‘We believe the guilty parallel universe may be a milkless one. Perhaps they had milk at one time but some catastrophe robbed them of that joy. They obviously have some connection to our universe so we think they may have created the Weetabix and sent the recipe to us some how as a lactose transportation device,’ said Dr Brekker.

The team has already been contacted by several world leaders; some asking if it’s possible to send the parallel universe a message, others asking if Weetabix can absorb nuclear material to send a warning message to the parallel universe.

‘You can probably guess who the latter were,’ said Dr Brekker.