My rocket is bigger than yours, Trump tells Kim Jong-un

President Donald Trump has told Kim Jong-un in no uncertain terms that he has the biggest rocket in the world and he’s prepared to blast it right in the North Korean leader’s face.

With the nuclear threat from North Korea escalating almost daily, Trump took time out of his busy holiday schedule to set Kim Jong-un straight.

‘You think I want to be here when I could be on the golf course? No. This is what North Korea has made me do and I’m angry about it, so angry,’ began Trump.

‘There’s a lot of fake news on the internet about how I have a small rocket. Completely fake, so fake. Actually I have the biggest rocket in the world, much bigger than Kim Jong-un’s, and he’ll feel the full force of my rocket blast if he doesn’t back down.’

It is being called President Trump’s most phallic and borderline erotic speech to date.

‘Daddy can drop his fire and fury all over me any time he wants,’ said Conservative ring-piece Milo Yiannopoulos.

Meanwhile the citizens of the world watch on as Earth begins to reach the climax of its final season with baited breath.