Scrooge offered a position in Theresa May’s cabinet

The Conservative Party are looking to boost the strength of their cabinet after offering Ebenezer Scrooge an as-yet-unnamed position.

Famed for his ability to pinch a penny until it screams, the Conservatives see Scrooge as the perfect man to get their austerity programme back on track.

The idea was pitched by Boris Johnson who believes the hiring might distract from the on-going Brexit shambles.

‘Are people going to be talking about Brexit or our attempt to bring a fictional character into government? Think about it,’ said Johnson, clearly impressed with his own thinking.

With tensions growing between Theresa May and a pro-EU Philip Hammond, it’s possible that Scrooge could enter government as chancellor.

‘We need someone like Scrooge who isn’t afraid to come in and making sweeping cuts. We can’t afford to be sentimental or value human life in times like this,’
said a soggy trousered Jacob Rees-Mogg.

The Conservative Party now anxiously awaits Scrooge’s reply. As he used a second-class stamp on the letter, it could come in as soon as 2021.