Theresa May went on the record yesterday to announce her plan for a ‘shared society’, a Britain that works for everyone. Apparently what she meant by this is that Tory MPs will now be given a bag of pound coins every day to throw at the poor as hard as they can.
Each Tory MP, as well as several key members of staff, will receive a bag containing one hundred one pound coins every day. These are to be whizzed at people on the street as hard as possible.
‘It’s very difficult to get some of my colleagues in giving spirit,’ admitted the PM. ‘By making it a bit more fun for them I think this has a real chance of working.’
However some Tory MPs are already working on scamming the system.
‘What I’m going to do is Blu-tack two pennies on top of each other so it has the weight of a pound coin. Then I’m going to sling that right in the face of any single mothers I see. The bag of pound coins I’ll keep for myself,’ said former DWP Secretary Stephen Crabb.
And the ‘shared society’ scheme has already seen thousands of complaints from people up and down Britain.
‘These MPs spend most their time in London. So all this money that’s being literally thrown about is never going to reach the people who need it most in places like Yorkshire where a pound coin can buy you a house with enough change left over for a fish ‘n’ chip supper,’ said one critic.
If the scheme goes ahead it will cost the taxpayer over £30,000 a day.