President Donald Trump today promised the people of America that he would deliver record amounts of global warming to the nation to help snap it out of its cold spell.
With some parts of the USA reaching record low temperatures, Trump set out his plan of action to help make America warm again.
‘For too long we’ve listened to climate scientists bore us about the dangers of global warming. Well, eggheads, we’re all freezing here and I say it’s time to make America warm again!
‘And the way we do that is simple. We need to go back to gas guzzling cars, keep factories open 24/7, switch back to coal and I personally promise that I myself will produce enough hot air to warm America by at least a few degrees.’
While his comments have been decried by scientists and people with sense, his supporters are backing him 100% of the way.
Dick Richards, 68, a retired pipe layer, told us: ‘Why should China and India get to hog all the global warming whilst I’m here freezing my ass off?’
The ‘Apocalypse Clock’ now shows humanity has mere nanoseconds left.