Young people heartbroken after discovering that Jeremy Corbyn isn’t real

An increasing number of young people across Britain are wising up to the fact that Jeremy Corbyn is a fictional character designed to cheer them up in bad times.

With his white beard, affinity for red and promises of handing children lots of free stuff, Jeremy Corbyn has become one of the most enduring fictional characters in Britain.

Now though, the children the character was aimed at are growing up and starting to realise that they’ve been bamboozled by their parents and the media.

‘I’d write to Jeremy Corbyn every year with a list of things I wanted and I’d always get them. But then I started to find receipts in my mother’s purse or dad’s wallet. It’s upsetting to realise Jeremy’s not real but I appreciate my parents letting me have my innocence for as long as possible,’ said Kylie Potterham, 24, from Lewisham.

Many other parents are being upfront with their children about the true nature of Jeremy Corbyn, telling them he’s just a symbol for kindness and generosity.

‘When you really think about it, the economics of Corbyn just don’t add up. You can’t produce things for free. I think it’s better to be open and honest with your children about him,’ said R. Murdoch, a concerned Australian immigrant.

Still, the legend of Jeremy Corbyn will always live on. Children will tell tales of his gifts, sing beloved carols such as ‘Oh, Jeremy Corbyn’ and swear blind that they’ve seen him. That’s the innocence of youth.