A couple of male flatmates are about two days away from screwing each other, a recent phenomenon known as going ‘quarantine gay’.

With a lockdown in effect and hookup apps a virtual graveyard, it’s become increasingly difficult for mediocre men to find five minutes of love.

Which is why Lee Taylor and Ben Michaels are roughly 48 hours away from throwing away a lifetime of heteronormative behaviour for a quick bit of bum fun.

‘I wouldn’t normally consider this,’ lied Ben, ‘but a man has needs, you know? If I don’t get some action soon, I’ll lose my mind.’

Moments like Ben’s hand touching Lee’s as he passed him the remote control have begun to take a deeper meaning.

‘There’s clearly some sort of new-found spark between us. I don’t know quite what it is yet, all I know is it’s exciting,’ said Lee.

A brief sexual encounter and a lifetime of confusion now seems on the cards as Lee and Ben enter the second day of their quarantine.