Beyond Meat now so realistic it lies down when it’s about to rain

Beyond Meat claims that its newest plant-based meat substitute is so realistic that it will lie down when it senses impending rain.

Just as cows lie down when they sense an imminent downpour, Beyond Meat 3.0 will slump onto the ground.

‘Our scientists have been working hard to make Beyond Meat more realistic than ever and we’re sure our customers will notice the difference,’ said company spokesperson Ian Veal. ‘Not only does Beyond Meat taste more like a cow, it even acts like one too. Thanks to our latest patented technology, Beyond Meat will be able to sense shifts in the barometric temperature and predict when it’s about to rain. Our meat-substitute patties will then lie down horizontally, preferably between two buns.’

The innovation marks a major leap forward in the world of plant-based meat products and could see Beyond Meat close the gap between their biggest rivals, Impossible Foods.

‘I imagine they’re both named that because they’re beyond impossible to stomach,’ said one man with heart disease.

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