Jesus credits having twelve good friends in his thirties to unlimited supply of wine

Jesus H Christ has credited being able to maintain twelve close friendships into his thirties on having access to an unlimited supply of wine.

Jesus, 33, believes he is able to keep multiple friendships going thanks to his special talents and abilities.

‘It’s never a dull moment when I’m around. I can walk on water, cure any illness, really stretch out a small amount of food - oh, and I have an endless amount of wine. That helps too,’ he told us.

The messiah likes nothing more than to gather his friends for a meal and a drink, saying it’s where he feels his safest.

‘Surrounded by good food, good drink and great friends. What could go wrong?’

However, one of Christ’s friends isn’t so keen on his winemaking ability.

‘It’s always bloody red wine. Why not a crisp white or a fruity rosé ?’
grumbled Judas.