Number of dropped gay cards down to ‘almost zero’ since shutdown of schools

The number of gay cards being dropped on the floor is down to ‘almost zero’ since the shutdown of schools, it’s emerged.

Once dropped, gay cards are next to impossible to find on the floor, making this a significant win for the homosexual community.

‘I remember dropping my gay card when I was in secondary school. Not only was it mortifying to be outed like that but, because I couldn’t find it, I’ve had to live my life as a straight man ever since. It’s been terrible.

‘I’m just glad that that’s not something this younger generation is going to have to go through,’ said Phil Dover, a sad man.

No-one is sure what it is that makes gay cards virtually invisible once they’ve been dropped although it has been theorised that it’s something to do with the unicorn dust sprinkled on each one.

‘We could stop adding the unicorn dust but who wants a gay card without a sprinkling of fabulous magic?’ said one printer.