Prime Minister Boris Johnson has announced an easing of lockdown restrictions just in time for the upcoming birthday of one of his mistresses.
Johnson, ever the gentleman, didn’t feel like his mistress should have to spend her birthday alone due to something as trifling as a pandemic.
‘This is an important birthday for her. You only get to celebrate your 21st birthday once and I want to be there for her before she starts getting too old,’ said Johnson.
The prime minister says the meeting with his mistress will be perfectly safe as he’s already contracted the coronavirus. Despite this, he still plans to wear a mask.
‘Yes, I’ll wear a mask. I always wear a gimp mask when I’m with a lady,’ he told the press.
If the private birthday party is a success, Johnson expects to become a father for the eighth, ninth or positively tenth time. This is, of course, a Conservative estimate.