Report: Man who brags about doing yoga all the time can go fuck himself

A man who brags about how often he does yoga and how flexible he has become can go fuck himself, according to the latest report.

Michael Webb, 37, took up yoga over a year ago and won’t stop telling his friends how much better he feels as a result.

‘I used to be full of aches and pains regularly. I do yoga almost every day now and feel so much better for it. I keep telling my friends they should do it too but I don’t think any of them are really listening,’ Michael told us.

Michael’s friends have reported that all he ever talks about these days is yoga and clean-living.

‘Michael’s become a real fucking bore. He might look and feel great, but at what cost? If he brings up “downward dog” one more time, I’m going to tell him to go fuck himself,’ said one friend.

‘I can’t go fuck myself yet. Suck myself? Sure. Fucking myself might take another year of yoga,’ Michael informed us.