August 20th – On This Day in History

109: Man invents snoring.

110: Woman invents strangulation.

1866: President Andrew Johnson declares the US Civil War to be over. This proves to be an even more premature celebration than George W Bush’s “Mission Accomplished” banner.

1920: The birth of American football. Seven men meet in Canton, Ohio to discuss the creation of the most infuriatingly named sport in existence.

1940: Prime Minister Winston Churchill thanks the Royal Air Force for delivering his air fryer on time. “Never have my fries been so crispy.”

1941: Adolf Hitler authorises the deployment of his second testicle.

1970: The Lion chocolate bar is released by Nestle. The company subsequently has to invent lions so that the mascot makes sense.

1982: Man sectioned after suggesting family starts a game of Monopoly at 10 pm under the new Monopoly Act.

2013: A radioactive water leak in Japan fails to create any new superheroes.

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