Dry January to be followed by Extremely Wet February

A local man has revealed that he plans to follow his Dry January with an Extremely Wet February.

The idea of Dry January is to start the year the right way by choosing to stay sober throughout the first month of the year – this is especially important after the excesses of December.

Like millions of other people, Solomon Paperback, 33, is currently struggling his way through Dry January but now he is starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

“It’s been a very difficult month for personal reasons, as well as everything else going on in the world right now. It hasn’t been easy to stay sober in January but I’m almost there now and I’m really looking forward to February,” Solomon told us.

The reason that Solomon is looking forward to February so much isn’t just that he can start drinking again, it’s that he’s going to absolutely cane it in a new event he’s calling Extremely Wet February.

“I’m going to get fucking bladdered every night. If all goes according to plan, I won’t even remember February,”
he said.

The UK government has already pledged its support to Extremely Wet Febuary as well as follow-up months such as Drenched March, Soaked April, and Tiddly May.

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