Durham Police announced that their investigation found that Dominic Cummings was guilty of committing a lockdown violation, causing Prime Minister Boris Johnson to finally sack Durham Police.
Cummings, who seems to have been driving blindly to Durham every weekend, won’t face charges but Durham Police stated they do believe he’s guilty of violating lockdown rules.
The statement meant that Boris Johnson ultimately had to do the right thing and fire the entire Durham Constabulary.
‘It’s with a great amount of waffle and bollocks that I sadly have to announce the termination of the Durham Constabulary. There’s only once DC I can trust and that’s Dominic Cummings,’ said the tired-looking Johnson.
Durham now faces a chaotic future as the city will likely descend into anarchy without the police to enforce the law.
There have already been multiple riots in the streets of Durham and an unnamed source has informed us that a braying mob is heading towards Barnard Castle with lit torches and pitchforks.