God releases patch notes for Mankind 1.27603

God, one of the biggest developers in the universe, today released a set of patch notes for Mankind that promises to fix many existing bugs and unwanted features.

Mankind was warmly received upon launch but has since been criticised for its lack of progress and Earth-breaking bugs.

All that could change though once the 1.27603 patch is officially released in the near future.

Here are the notes He provided:


Fixed an issue in older men who couldn’t pee without farting and vice versa.
Made whites 4% less racist (this is as good as I could do).
Gender is now much more fluid.
Instances of utter assholishness in employers to be reduced by 23%.
Boosted the possibility of pleasant days by 8%.

New Quests
Let Them Eat Cake
Mission to Mars
New Earth

Fixed an issue where many people were way below beauty parameters. I mean, they were seriously difficult to look at.
Added hair to the top of the head of men who had set the feature to “off”.
Removed hair from the face of men who had set the feature to “on and weird about it”.
Fixed women’s eyebrows.

The monthly period system has been completely overhauled.
Reduced instances of biting own cheeks by 17%.
All finger guns to backfire.
Memory better optimized so it’s easier to find your keys.

Fixed an issue where people were being logged off and couldn’t get back on again.

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