July 5th – On This Day in History

1687: Sir Isaac Newton, one of the smartest men in history, predicts the television show ‘Twin Peaks’. Even he is unable to grasp what’s going on though.

1776: America wakes up with a stonking great hangover and hopes they didn’t do anything they might regret the night before.

1811: Venezuela becomes the first South American country to declare independence from Spain. The Spanish failed to notice as they’re all having a nap.

1948: The National Health Service Act (NHS) takes effect. People across Britain can receive free healthcare simply by clapping for doctors and nurses once a week.

1954: The BBC broadcasts its first news bulletin. The report slams Jeremy Corbyn for wanting to share his toys with other children.

1994: The Amazon rainforest is discovered in Washington by Jeff Bezos. Bezos goes on to open a small internet store to monetise the experience.

1996: Dolly the Sheep becomes the first mammal to be cloned. Millions of Conservative voters follow.

1998: Prince Charles holds Britain hostage under the threat of having to listen to Gary Barlow. The terrorist attack becomes known as ‘Party in the Park’. Britain eventually gives in to Prince Charles’s demands and gives him £500,000.

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