NASA launches ‘I’m Safe’ feature for planets not ruined by humans

NASA has launched an ‘I’m Safe’ feature for planets in the solar system that haven’t yet been ruined by humans.

Every planet in the local solar system has received a big red button to push to let NASA know they’re safe from humanity.

The idea came to NASA after they noticed that humans have completely fucked up Earth and wanted to make sure the same wasn’t true of other planets.

‘We’re happy to announce that every planet has got back to us to say they’re safe – except Earth, of course. We’ve fucked that one up royally,’
said NASA employee Dr Diana Burress.

Each planet returned the ‘I’m Safe’ message promptly, except for Mars, which was said to be looking over its shoulder at Earth anxiously.

Both Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk have threatened to make Mars humanity’s next conquest.

As an intense Musk said: ‘We’re going to splash humanity all over you. You’d like that wouldn’t you?’