Annoying children to be tethered to planes so they can play outside

Annoying children will be tethered to planes so they can play outside and avoid disturbing other passengers.

The decision has been agreed upon by all major airlines and has the backing of the majority of passengers.

All child passengers will be tested for any signs of being an annoying little fucker during the security process. If they fail the test they will be tethered to the outside of the plane so they can play outside and tire themselves out.

The move was made after a growing number of complaints by childless passengers who were sick of crying babies or young children running up and down the aisles.

‘Flying is bad enough as it is without having some kid bumping into my elbow every couple of minutes. This move is long overdue,’ said Noah Lotte, a frequent flyer for work.

Even parents of annoying children are on board with the idea.

‘If it gives me a few hours of peace from my boy, I’m all for it,’ said Ed Sheeran’s mum.

The tethers will be placed around the child’s waist or neck, whichever the parent prefers.