The UK government is planning to slash foreign aid so that it can focus on not feeding its own children.

The United Kingdom will cut foreign aid from 0.7% to 0.5% of the national income. To put that into perspective, Boris Johnson’s decorating budget currently accounts for 3.2% of the national income.

The government hopes that it can use the money saved from not feeding foreign children to not feed children at home.

‘We will use all the funds saved from this budget cut to pay a third party to investigate poverty in the United Kingdom. This task force will be led by a Cabinet member’s friend, be ludicrously expensive and come to the conclusion that everything is going spectacularly well,’ one Conservative Party MP told us.

Voters seem to approve of the move as the Conservative Party has gained another two points over Labour.

‘Labour will continue to struggle until they realise that most English people are absolute sadists,’ said political expert Brady Squires.