Danny Zuko told to self-isolate after reporting multiplying chills

Danny Zuko has been ordered to isolate after reporting a severe case of the chills and a total loss of control, presumably of his bowels.

Zuko rang the Covid hotline yesterday and reported “I’ve got chills, they’re multiplying and I’m losing control.” He was promptly told to stay at home and isolate himself from others until a PCR test could be sent to him.

Loss of bowel control isn’t typical in Covid and has led some experts to speculate that Zuko could be suffering from a new variant they’re calling greaseicon.

If the new variant does lead to loss of control of the bowels, those who were roundly mocked for stocking up on toilet paper could soon be sitting pretty on their mountains of plush toilet tissues.

Zuko’s friends have rallied around him, with most of them showing maturity way beyond their age.

However, Danny girlfriend has been less than kind about the situation.

“He better shape up,” she told us.

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