Humanity has pledged to reduce its carbon emissions to zero as soon as it becomes extinct, it’s emerged.
With the prospect of a severe climate crisis becoming increasingly likely, humanity has stepped up and promised to reduce its carbon emissions to zero sooner rather than later.
“The moment that the species is extinct, we’ll stop emitting carbon. You might say that it’s too little, too late but there’s still a lot of profit to be made out of this planet,” said Hugh Mann, a representative of all humanity.
The latest pledge is one of several that humanity has made recently in an effort to look like it plans to eventually think about maybe reducing its carbon footprint.
Other pledges made to reduce climate anxiety include:
- Painting everything green to raise environmental awareness by 2026.
- Aeroplanes to fly backwards, thus sucking chemtrails back inside their engines, by 2032.
- All cows will be warned not to fart by 2040.
- Newborn children to be offered as blood sacrifices to the great sun God by 2045.
- Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk to be beheaded by 2055.
- And SPF 5000 sunblock to be released in 2062.