Scientists have discovered a direct link between healthy living and being absolutely insufferable to be around.
The study found that people who take regular exercise and eat a balance diet are a chore to hang out with.
“Those who live healthy lifestyles are far too smug and have way too much energy to be relatable to most normal people. It’s infuriating when you tell them you have a bad back and, rather than offering sympathy, they recommend five exercises for you to do and three foods to avoid.
“Then there’s the fact that they look so much better than you. It’s incredibly rude.
“You can’t go anywhere or do anything with them. If you invite them out for a drink and they’ll tell you they don’t drink because it’ll ruin their gym session later that day. Invite them for a meal and they’ll say nowhere local has a decent low calorie, high protein option.
“Then, worst of all, they’ll suggest that you go jogging as a way to spend time together. Fuck that,” said Dr Idle of the Social Studies Society.
The report has caused a great deal of stress amongst the healthy living community; so much so that many of them have been forced to run an extra lap of their local parks. Normal people have been advised to stay indoors, as usual.