“I’m not small, I’m just far away,” claims Putin

Vladimir Putin has denied allegations that he’s a little man, instead claiming that he’s always far away and that it’s all just a trick of perspective.

The Russian president says that reports that he’s only 5’4” are less reliable than U.S. intelligence – and that he’s actually over six foot tall.

“I don’t want to brag but I’m actually 6’3,” he began. “Sometimes I look shorter in pictures because I stand very far away from people. I don’t want to intimidate them by being so close to them. I’m not a bully.

“If you ever see a picture where I look a clear foot shorter than everyone else, just know that I’m probably stood a good five feet behind them – even when it looks like I’m stood in front of them. It’s a little trick I learned back when I was in the KGB.

“So, to sum it up: I’m not small, I’m just far away. Have you all got that?” Putin told the media while dangling his legs off a curb.

Putin then left the media scrum to ride his Shetland pony, but not before removing his shirt.

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