Man’s head begins outsourcing hair growth to his arse

A man is reporting that his head is outsourcing hair growth to his arse as he boldly enters his forties.

Millions of hair follicles atop the head of Jamie Thatcher have lost their positions with thousands more redundancies expected in the near future.

But hair growth won’t stop entirely. A new factory has set up shop in Thatcher’s arse crack and is expected to produce just as much hair as his head did previously.

“My head may be balding but my arse is hairier than ever. I’m considering learning how to walk on my hands and sticking a couple of googly eyes on my cheeks,” he told us.

It’s predicted that few people would notice the difference between Jamie’s face and his hairy bum as many of his friends tell us he’s been speaking out of his arse for years.

Thatcher is now expected to be arse-hunted for several top political roles.

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