The amount of hot air produced by politicians discussing climate change at COP26 is expected to raise the planet’s temperature by at least 2°c, experts are warning.

As thousands of politicians fly into Glasgow to look like they give a shit, climate change experts are warning that the sheer amount of hot air produced by them could have a disastrous effect.

“This will be the biggest blast of hot air that the planet has felt in years. Not only could it warm the entire planet by 2°c but Scotland could begin reaching temperatures as high as -5°c.

“We’re deeply concerned that Scottish people won’t be able to cope with temperatures that high and could begin to die out unless we keep them topped up with a constant supply of refrigerated Irn Bru,” said Professor Fox Ewing.

COP stands for “Conference of Parties” and COP26 marks the 26th time that politicians have gathered to discuss and take action on this critical issue.

Presumably, the action will be taken roughly three months before we all get wiped out.