Queen getting ‘absolutely shit-faced’ for her birthday

Royal sources have revealed that Queen Elizabeth II has already started on the booze and plans to get ‘absolutely shit-faced’ for her 94th birthday.

With social distancing in effect, the Queen’s 94th birthday will be a more low-key affair than usual. Rather than guns, cannons and public celebrations, Queen Elizabeth II is drinking herself silly in Windsor Castle.

Staff has been kept to a minimum but our sources tell us that the Lizmeister has already begun a drinking sesh of epic proportions.

‘She polished off half a bottle of Buckfast for breakfast and didn’t even flinch. She’s been hitting the liquor cabinet harder than the press hits Meghan Markle,’ our source said.

The Royal Family is planning a Zoom meeting later tonight where they’ll all raise a glass to their matriarch.

It’s thought that Prince Charles will be drinking wine, Prince Philip will be on the ouzo, and Prince Andrew will enjoy a little Babycham.

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