Stupid baby chooses to be born in war-torn country

A newborn baby has had an absolute shocker after he decided to be born in a war-torn country, it’s emerged.

Jameel Contreras, 0, had the whole world at his fingertips. He could have chosen to be born in a fair, just and peaceful nation such as Sweden, Denmark or Finland. Or a middle-of-the-pack nation like Great Britain.

Instead, Jameel chose to be born on Vilay – a small war-torn island with sky-high poverty rates and a life expectancy of just 45.

“I don’t understand why anyone would choose to be born there. Still, Jameel’s made his bed, now he’ll have to lie in it. He could have chosen to be born in Britain as I did. It’s a bit of a confusing one to find on the drop-down menu since it can be listed as a few different things, but I think it was worth the effort.

“And if Jameel thinks he can emigrate here or seek refuge after so publicly snubbing Britain at birth, he’s got another thing coming,” one proud Brit told us.

Jameel’s poor decision has left some to question whether babies should be entrusted with the choice of where they are born.

“It’s such an important decision. Time after time we’re seeing babies make a bad choice and end up being born in frightful conditions. A lot of them choose to be born to poor parents too. They’re clearly not up to the task,” said Sir Rigsby Mountapple III, a local child worrier.

A task force will investigate the issue and report its findings within the next 7-12 business centuries.

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