Uber awarded NHS contract for ambulance drivers

The Conservative Party has awarded an NHS contract to Uber to provide them with ambulance drivers for the next decade, according to latest reports.

Health Secretary Sajid Javid is said to have pushed for the move, which was green-lit by Prime Minister Boris Johnson, to help increase NHS funding.

“The contract will provide more NHS funding to pay top quality directors to tell us where the health service is going wrong. And patients will enjoy the top quality service that only Uber provides,”
said Javid in a press conference earlier today.

It’s believed that Uber paid £180 million for the contract, money they plan to recoup by charging ambulance users a moderate fee for the service.

“The fee will depend on the time, distance travelled and how much the patient bled on the interior,” said Ryan Graves, Uber’s Chief of Global Operations.

Uber drivers will be able to loan ambulances from the company and make significantly more money than the typical Uber driver.

“This is an important job, obviously. So we’ll only allow Uber drivers with the highest ratings to drive the ambulances. That’s just common sense,” said Graves.

The move will mean the end of trained paramedics who help to save tens of thousands of lives each year. Uber drivers are being instructed that they can have a go at the patient if the want, but they are under no obligation to do so.

“People in this country are sick of experts. I think this is what the nation wants,” said Javid.