America declared ‘back to normal’ after second mass shooting in a week

The United States of America has been declared ‘back to normal’ after its second mass shooting in a week.

Following mass shootings in Atlanta, Georgia and Denver, Colorado, it feels like it’s safe to say that America is back to normal – in so much as it doesn’t feel safe to live there.

‘COVID times have been tough for all of us. We’ve all felt unsafe but in an unfamiliar sort of way. It’s caused us no end of anxiety. Now we’re getting back to good, honest mass shootings. That’s the real American way right there,’ American citizen Yeehaw McDaniels told us.

While Skippy Woodward said: ‘It’s going to be nice going to church, the supermarket, school, gas stations, shows and whatever else, wondering whether I’m going to be involved in a mass shooting again. I might even be the victim next time.’

The NRA has congratulated President Joe Biden on the nation’s return to normalcy.

‘We didn’t think he had it in him. Honestly though, you wouldn’t know there wasn’t a Republican in the White House,’ said Wayne LaPierre, EVP of the NRA.

American citizens are now being advised to stay indoors until the spread of bullets is stopped.

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