Scientists believe that Boris Johnson’s pants could be a new form of renewable energy that might help Britain overcome its energy crisis.
The prime minister’s trousers spontaneously combust dozens of times each day but, most interestingly, never burn down to ashes.
“The prime minister’s pants hold some unique properties that we don’t yet understand,” one scientist told us. “They repeatedly set on fire yet are never destroyed.
“It would appear that all Mr Johnson has to do is wear a pair of trousers once to imbue them with these properties. If we could create some sort of Wallace & Gromit trouser-changing contraption, we could have an incredibly cheap form of renewable energy on our hands.
The research into Boris Johnson’s trousers has scientists extremely excited. The only drawback so far is the smell the pants produce while they’re on fire.
“They produce an incredibly strong stench that is truly stomach-churning; a smell akin to manure of the male bovine variety,” said the scientist.
Boris Johnson has offered his full support to the project, stating: “I’ve told women for years that my pants contain a miracle. It would be nice to be proven right, for once.”